“I Love Me”, are three powerful words. How honest are we, when we say we love others, but can’t begin to love our self? Where does one learn or begin to love them self? It seems like a simple question, but is it really that simple? It’s an age-old question that at some point, each person will ask themselves. This question demands an honest answer and requires one to take a deeper look at them self. In everyday conversations, this question and more are echoed over and over.
“How can I love myself and not feel guilty at the same time?’ At what point in my life, do I wake up and realize that I don’t care what others think of me? How has my relations with other people shape the way I look and think about myself? For many, loving themselves is not an easy task. For those who are dealing with and recovering from a life- time of hurt and pain, it can evoke a great deal of shame along with many other issues. However, at the end of the day, how can one realize that their opinion of them self is the only opinion that counts?
Sometimes society make us feel that to love ourselves is a selfish act. For me, it was in my late teens when I really started to appreciate the person I was becoming; confident, kind and loving. Looking back, I realized I was always that person; however, the actions of others made we think differently. Growing up, my mother always told me I was beautiful. So, why was it so hard for me to believe?
Like most people, in my younger years, I wanted to fit in with my peers and be accepted. It was only later on in life that I realized that I was not an extension of my peers. My need to fit in and to be accepted stemmed from me not truly believing in myself and my worth. So how did
I go from being this girl who wanted to fit in, to a vibrant confident woman? How did I become this social being who learned to recognize the positives before I saw the negatives?
Focusing on me didn’t happen overnight; it was a long process. First, it started with me accepting that I had a choice. I could love myself or continue to walk in the shadows of others in search of acceptance. Learning to love myself was easier said than done. For many years, I had gravitated towards the negative and minimized the positives. I had allowed others to tell me how I should feel, think and behave. It was almost as if I was conditioned this way.
When I graduated high school, I realized I had to change my self-talk and the way I looked at myself. Many a times, I would look in the mirror and focused on the things that I didn’t love about myself, instead of the things that I loved about myself. I really had to look deep and long before I truly found myself. Often, I would find myself gazing into “My” mirror and asking myself some tough questions. Just what is it to truly love myself? What was this emotion called “Love?”
Love, is probably the most powerful emotion of all, but yet, it eluded me for some time. Over the years, I have found that learning to love myself has always been about developing the confidence to be the person I am destined to be. It was then that I truly saw the real me. Here is how I chose to live my life, on my terms, and not let the values of others determine how I saw myself. Learning to love myself was one of the most important things I did in looking at the girl in the mirror and admiring her when she looked back at me. With that in mind, her are five things that you can try to do in order to “Love You”.
1. Smile- Everyday is a new day for me. Each new day brings endless possibilities. So start smiling.
2. Appreciate You. Learn to acknowledge the positives and never minimize your worth.
3. Stay in the Present. Live in the present moment. Tomorrow will come. Don’t rush it.
4. Surround yourself with people who cares and values your worth.
5. Stop Worrying about what other people think of you.
Merita Mitchell. MS, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist
This article appeared in Caribbean Vybes Issue #5. Read more in the magazine by clicking the link or pasting it into your browser.https://www.caribbeanvybes.life/…/www.caribbeanvyb…/magazine
